A Year Later

I am not big on "anniversaries" of things, but I did happen to think this week about the fact that my masectomy was on October 2nd, a year ago. I remember October last year very well. The weather was beautiful and I enjoyed my month of recovery and relaxing.  That wasn't the last surgery I had to have, however. On November 15th I had emergency surgery to remove a tissue expander that had been placed where my breast was in order to try reconstructive surgery. Since that day, I am so glad that I did not choose to try reconstruction again. I ordered a prosthetic to put in a special bra, and I don't feel much different than I ever did. The only thing that bothers me sometimes is a little bit of itching, mostly after I exercise.

I have been on tamoxifen for almost a year. It is a medication that blocks estrogen. The only side effects I really have are bouts of extreme tiredness at times, and sometimes I get foot cramps. My oncologist says this is normal.

The thing I think about often is how God spared me from chemo and radiation. I have talked to some people who have relatives or friends who had stage 2 cancer, and the doctors recommended chemo- no questions asked. I know that many women have had chemo and survived and there is no right or wrong answer as to whether you should have it or not when you have stage 2. When it is stage 3 or 4, there is no doubt that people should have chemo, as it has already started to spread. For stage 1 and 2 it is often prescribed as a "preventative measure", "just to make sure" no teeny tiny cancer cell escaped.

I think if it as a balance of fears. Sometimes I am afraid of side effects of the tamoxifen. Other times I am afraid that if I don't take it, it could return, although most of the time I am at peace that God has taken care of it the first time and that He will keep it from re-occuring. I know that it does come back in some people, and a lot of that has to do with the type and stage of cancer.  My oncologist recently asked me to consider having my ovaries out, or shots to put me into menopause, because tamoxifen can have opposite effects on the ovaries. I think I'd rather stop taking tamoxifen if it comes down to that.

On a positive note, it is breast cancer awareness month. Before cancer, I didn't pay too much attention. Now I love seeing pink everywhere. I feel like when the NFL players or whoever wears pink or pink ribbons, they are doing it for ME! Almost everyone has known someone who has had breast cancer.

Every day, I am thankful for God's mercy. Hugs and prayers to any of you who are facing this scary disease or have a loved one or friend facing it. Please know there is support everywhere you turn. No one has to face this alone.

Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life

Years ago I bought a devotional by Charles Swindoll called "Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life," and he had devotionals for each of the "seasons" we encounter in our lives. Winter is the season where we endure great hardship and at times we think we may never come out of it, but God surely knows when we have had enough ice and cold winds in our lives, for right after Winter comes the Spring. Spring is universally known as the time for new beginnings and new life and lots of hope for the future. Summer is a time to enjoy our blessings and be thankful for all we have been given.  It is also a time to bear much fruit and be a servant to others. Finally, fall signifies preparing our souls for another winter. We must make sure that we take the time to prepare for the winter by drawing closer to God and being spiritually ready for the next round of harsh weather conditions.

Those of us who live in the Midwest can definitely see physical signs of Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall and it makes it a bit easier to transfer these seasons to our lives.  In each season we can grow stronger, and hopefully when winter comes we will remember the hope, blessings, and preparation that God has done in our hearts to get us through those very tough times that come in the cycles of our lives.

I am so thankful that physically and literally, we are entering spring. I am doing well, back to my busy life as a mom and school counselor. I do a lot of thinking, and though life carries me quickly through each day, I want to make sure I pause and take time to de-stress by running, sitting on the couch, surfing facebook, reading and praying.

My oncologist says I am doing well, and in the future, he said I may want to consider having my ovaries removed, as they are a source of producing estrogen. I am waiting for the U.S. study to come out. I told him that I would like to see the study before I subject myself to another surgery.

Whatever season you find yourself in, hold on to the Lord's promises. While seasons change, He remains the same.

Brian

I know some may wonder why I don't say much about Brian in my posts so I thought I would say a few words. He doesn't like public recognition and I won't be posting this on FB, but for those who are checking my blog or get emails from me, I want to say that Brian has been a big blessing through the entire diagnosis and treatment.  He is what I needed- someone calm, rational, helpful (even when he came home with $250 worth of groceries one day), and he never freaks out about anything. He cooks,  does laundry, and washes dishes.

We are not mushy, so enough said. Just wanted to get that on record!

My PEOPLE OF THE YEAR of 2013

It has been awhile since I gave an update, and as you know, it usually means things are good when you don't hear from me!  I truly am doing well. I have been on Tamoxifen for 2 months now and have no major side effects. However, I will have a 3 month check in with the oncologist at the end of January. They will do blood draw and then let me know if there is anything going on "behind the scenes" in my body. Hopefully all will be well! I am really trying to get my exercise and sleep so that I feel my best almost every day. I have been eating well until I started my holiday baking a couple of weeks ago!

People Magazine always does a People of the Year in December or January, so I wanted to give my own version. First of all, to everyone who prayed for me and sent me cards and texts and e-mails- that meant the world to me the past 6 months. My mom definitely makes the list as she is the first person I called after my husband to talk to when I was first diagnosed in June. When mom started praying for me I felt God's peace and protection from there on and she was such a huge encouragement. My sisters were also very encouraging, coming to visit after the first surgery and piled up meals in my freezer. Little did I know then how much I would need them later, after several more surgeries, plus the major surgery!

My work friends were also great in bringing meals, reading materials, and taking care of me!

I must also mention my good friend Emily who drove me to several doctors appointments and stayed with me the day of my "emergency" surgery until I went into the operating room. Next on my list are my neighbors who provided meals and walked with me and checked on me (Michelle, Janet, Carol, Melissa and Don). My friend Amy also, who sent me many texts with scriptures to keep me going!

I hope I didn't forget anyone who was a major part of my life, but God sees and knows every gesture made towards me, and He will never forget your acts of kindness!

Finally, I want to post pictures of my breast surgeon, reconstruction surgeon, and oncologist, as they were all so very helpful, loving, and encouraging. They are so intelligent, humble, and knowledgeable, and exactly what every patient needs in a "team" of doctors. Here are their pictures:

Dr. Bolla-oncologist

Dr. Hughes- plastic surgeon

Dr. Erika Rager

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Love Sharren

You Had to Know I Have a Thankful Speech This Year!!

I will keep it short and sweet~ I think it goes without saying (much) that I am very thankful for the way God took care of me this year, especially since my diagnosis of stage II breast cancer in mid-June. I have kept a good attitude, but there are times when it was OH SO HARD to not worry about future doctor appointments, treatments, and thinking about possibly leaving this earth far earlier than I had ever imagined.

Some of my short prayers included:
"God, if my work here is done, take me. If not, please get me through this."
"God, please have mercy on me~ don't let me have to do chemo (I know so many other of your children go through it, but please have mercy on me)."
"God, I don't want to take medicine, but since you spared me from radiation and chemo, it's the least I can do. Just give my body what is good from it and get rid of the rest!"
"God, thank you so much for taking care of me!"

In addition, this experience has helped me feel more deeply the pain others are going through with their medical issues. It doesn't have to be cancer, just anything.

I am so thankful for all the prayers, cards, texts, e-mails, Bible verses, and calls of people just reaching out to me in my time of need. It is so hard to express the gratitude I have. If God lays on your heart to reach out to someone, don't ignore it. It will mean the world to them.  There was a period of time between my diagnosis in June and my masectomy on Oct. 2, where I received at least one text, card, e-mail or phone call EVERY DAY~ like God had it all planned out to give me a bit of encouragement each day to get me through. It was truly amazing. Some days I woke up saying, "I wonder who I will hear from today?"~ it was GREAT!

God is Building My Empathy Resume

Well, not many people can say they have had 4 surgeries in 6 months. Sounds like enough to start a new club!  This past week was pretty stressful. First I had a reaction to a new antibiotic, and that was not a fun experience, then I finally got started on my tamoxifen medicine after letting it sit on my bathroom counter for a week. Then, mid week I noticed my surgery scars were not looking so good. I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon scheduled on Friday.

Thursday night around 1:15 I woke up feeling warm all over and couldn't really go back to sleep until around 4. Friday morning I noticed the blister that was on my skin was seeping so I put a gauze on it, stalked the school nurse for awhile, and prayed I could make it until my 11:45 appointment without anything really bad happening. I had a feeling I shouldn't go alone, so I texted my friend Emily and asked her if she could go with me. She picked me up and when we got to the Dr. office, I had to wait about 2 hours because he was behind and it was SO hot in the room I thought I was going to faint.

Finally Dr. Hughes came in and took a look at me. He was really quiet, then he said, "Well, what we've got here is a (insert some medical term I didn't understand), i.e. an exposed tissue expander." Pause. "The best thing to do is take it out and let you heal." Pause. "We are going to send you to surgery." Me: "Do I need to schedule that?" Doc: "No, Shae will schedule it and we will do it today." Me: "Oh."  Dr. Hughes said it happens to some people and I didn't do anything wrong. The surgeon in October did a good job scraping all the cancer out, and that is what is important. My skin didn't have enough support to be able to withstand a blister or anything like that going wrong.

From there they sent me over to the hospital to get ready for a 4:30 surgery. It took about an hour and I was able to come home around 7. Brian came over from work and Emily stayed with me until they took me to surgery.

To be honest, it feels pretty good not to have that expander in there. I will take a few months and think about what I want to do. If  they have to take skin from somewhere else to do it again, I will definitely choose the prosthetic route. I will try one for a few months and see how I like it anyway.

I will keep you updated! Thank you for keeping up with me and caring and praying and being there for me.

A Good Report- Finally!

Hello! It has been awhile since I posted. I am happy to say that my oncotype report came back very positive. Out of a score of 100, I got a 10. That means I am low risk for the cancer returning and they also tested the tissue to see how it would react to chemotherapy and it came back that my cancer would not benefit from chemotherapy.  I am so thankful for continued research in the area of breast cancer! I know for sure that God has been merciful to me.

In the area of reconstruction, I have a tissue expander in, and soon I will be going every few weeks for them to expand it with saline, then in several months I will have a two hour surgery to replace it with an implant. There are several different ways to do reconstruction, but I chose what I think will be the simplest and easiest for me.

Points of prayer: That my final drain will come out this week. It has been four weeks! The plastic surgeon likes for the drain to be giving out 30ml or less of fluid for 3 days in a row, but I have been consistently at 45 ml for a few weeks. I think maybe my body is just different :)  He said there is a time limit as to how long they keep it in, no matter what. There are no signs of infection (as of today), so hopefully Friday when I go back he will take it out and my body will just absorb any extra fluid.

One other thing on my mind is starting the tamoxafin medication. I am going to be starting it this week and I know that it is useful and helpful to pretty much every woman who gets cancer pre-menopausal. I just have always had a fear of taking medicine (everyone has some sort of fear, right?). I am confident that I will be OK, and just have to get past my humanness. God has brought me this far, I don't think He is just going to leave me alone now! I feel I am in good medical hands and believe that they will help me make the best decisions for my health.

I will continue to blog to give updates on reconstruction, further surgery or whatever may be on my mind. I have read that journaling is good therapy!